Be an elephant.

Elephants prove that you can be goddamn majestic even if you're fat and have imperfect skin. Maybe even especially if you're fat and have imperfect skin. Be your wild, beautiful self, girl.
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My Mom Is My Hero

It's Father's Day weekend, but since my dad's a deadbeat, I'd like to write a post honouring my other parent: the bravest, most beautiful person I know.

My mom is a warrior. She's survived so much: 

-abusive relationships
-getting an epidural that would fuck up her tailbone for decades
-being paid a fraction of what she's worth doing a job she loved too much to quit
-subsequently quitting that job because her Fibromyalgia became too severe
-starting a mental health coaching business inspired by the support group she started in 1999 to help anxious kids like me
-getting ropivacaine injections in her head and then holding my hand while I get the same shots down my spine
-pretty much being my 24/7 caregiver when my pain and fatigue are too much to handle
-doing everything with empathy and love.

The truth is, I've tried so many times to write about my mom and what she means to me, but when a person is so special, so multi-faceted, how could a few hundred words on the Internet do her justice?

I guess the main thing I want to say is that, I know parents don't get to choose which of their genes to pass on, and I know I got some shitty ones (predisposition to mental illness and high blood pressure, anyone?!), but I got some incredible gifts instilled in me thanks to my mom, too. Like passion and empathy and the ability to express myself through writing. And I know if she could have had a say in what genes to give me, these positive ones I see in her are all I'd have.

I'm the luckiest daughter in the world. I mean that. Love you, Maman.

It's okay!

As fat women, we're expected to put in 10 times as much effort as thin women, to be respected and accepted. Treated as human. 

Only Good Fatties are even marginally acceptable in our society; if you're not dressed to the nines, if you don't choose salad over fries every time, if you don't work out like you're on the Biggest Loser, if you don't condemn fat people who eschew the Good Fatty archetype, good luck getting a job, or dating, or getting adequate medical care, or even being able to post on Instagram without getting death threats.

I want you to know that it's okay...

It's okay if you want to wear yoga pants and a loose shirt and no make-up.
It's okay if you dress up every day.
It's okay if you work out every day.
It's okay if you don't.
It's okay if you eat salad every day.
It's okay if you eat salad occasionally.
It's okay if you choose fries over salad, every time. 
It's okay if you're not healthy. Lack of health is not a moral failing.
It's okay if you're pissed because the mall doesn't carry your size.
It's okay if you don't like being fat.
It's okay if you love being fat.

The bullies aren't the ones who have to live in your body day in and day out. What it comes down to, is that this is your body (this is your life!) and you get to choose what to do with it. Do what makes you feel healthy and happy-- however you define healthy and happy. There's nothing wrong with your size.
A photo posted by Rebecca Esther (@rebeccaesther) on

5 Must-Wear Spring Trends

Spring 2016 Style

Spring is finally here! And with warm weather, come fabulous warm weather trends. Check these out:

1. Crop tops are super popular again this year, and I couldn't be happier. Wearing a crop top, you can be totally on trend, flaunt your figure and (learn to) love your tummy. Win-win-win!

2. Shiny, futuristic and totally eye-catching, metallic shoes are in right now. From rhinestones and other small sparkly accents to all-out glam gold or silver, you're sure to find the pair for you.

3. Enamel pins are awesome: they're fun to collect, they look cool pinned to a dress or bag or jacket, and they're an affordable way to spice things up. What's not to love? Here are some especially fab pins.

4. Black lipstick is BIG this year. Not just for goth kids any more, it's being worn by every one from high fashion models to the girl next door. CoverGirl is even releasing their own version with Katy Perry, called "Perry Panther". I'm coveting Jeffree Star's "Weirdo" (currently sold out- boo!).

5. I talked about ruffles back in March, and have seen so many people rocking them since! (I'd like to think that was my doing ;). The timeless, feminine look of ruffles translates perfectly from summer to spring.

What are you most excited to wear this spring? (Click here for info on the items above).

The Ultimate Fad Diet

Trigger Warning: Emetophobia 

You know those crazy diets you see in the headlines of gossip magazines at the supermarket checkout? Or those wrap things all over Instagram?

Well, I didn't believe any fad weight loss plans worked. Not until I tried a brand new one. I lost 35 pounds! This revolutionary new lifestyle is called the Mysterious Undiagnosed Abdominal Disease, or MUAD for short.

The cool thing about MUAD is that you can eat whatever you want, and still drop pounds. I stick to a mostly healthy diet of veggies, fruit and whole grains, with the occasional venti white mocha or huge slice of cheesecake. 

Here's how it works: You eat 3 balanced meals a day, plus lots of water and a couple light snacks. And then... you throw up. Violently. Every single day, and sometimes more than once. You get the shakes, you feel hot and clammy, and you think you're going to die. Your abdomen is excruciatingly sore, 24/7. Even the slightest touch makes you flinch and tear up. You can't leave the house without a few thick plastic bags, a ton of Gravol and an intense fear of dying of embarrassment. 

But who cares, because you're losing weight! Right? 


The truth is, I don't believe in fad diets. I believe they're bullshit. They're expensive, they fuck with your self worth, and the majority of people who lose weight on them gain back all the weight, and then some. 

I do have a Mysterious Undiagnosed Abdominal Disease. And I did lose 35 pounds in 6 months. But it wasn't on purpose. And I wouldn't call this a revolution. More like a curse. 

I've cut down on caffeine, dairy and spicy foods. I drink tea and clear sodas to calm my nausea. I take Prevacid to keep my stomach acid at bay. I've had a colonoscopy, a gastroscopy, a stomach emptying test and multiple abdominal ultrasounds (all of which show absolutely nothing). 

I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of the way this illness has affected my career and social life. I'm tired of the impact this illness has on my other illnesses. 

But all my doctors see is that I've lost weight. And apparently that's a victory. Even when it's not the goal. Even when it comes at so high a cost.

I'd celebrate, I guess, but... I'd rather stick my head in a garbage can. Again.
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